The Schedule

I've been teetering these last few days, half writing blogs, barely exercising if I exercised at all, and frantically scrambling to keep everything from falling apart.  It's safe to say I've been weak at least as often as I've been strong, but I'm still showing up, for better or worse.

In self-critique, it's important to try to remain as objective and balanced as humanly possible.  It's difficult to do with all the hundreds of emotions the average person goes through in a single day, but when you want to say, "YOU'RE A LAZY SACK OF SHIT WHO CAN'T STICK TO ANYTHING AND THIS IS YOU QUITTING!  YOU'RE QUITTING!  YOU'RE QUITTING, JUST LIKE YOU'VE ALWAYS DONE," it's better to say, "Breathe."  The temptation is to be brutally hard on yourself, but no one is at 100%, 100% of the time.  What we are though, every second of every day, is usually our best.  Not our best of all time, not the pinnicle of our potential, but simple our best.  Even when we come up short, even when we wallow a little, everyone's different and everyone's the same, doing the very best they can to get through the day to day.  Some days that means it's rough, or sad, or lazy and it feels like failing, but thankfully, we're still breathing.  Even on our worst days, despite the good advice "live for today" mentality, never underestimate the power of tomorrow.

I was all over the place this weekend, working really hard at some things, being really lazy at others, and all in all I fell behind.  The last two days have been equal parts catch-up and dick-around but with the conclusion of this posting I find myself very close to right on track.  Progress throws a curveball every now and then, but we usually arrive at places precisely when we are supposed to, even if that means we had to strike out for a while.  There's no map we have to follow, no compass that points directly north, all we have is an idea of who we want to be to hold to through all the stormy winds of change.  And we do hold on; we have to hold on for dear life.

I have the entire day to myself tomorrow with no work or zero inking to slack-off.  I plan to treat myself to at least four work-outs before the end of the day and little tasks to fill the space between.  I think I'll clean my room, or maybe I'll take the dogs for a walk, or maybe I'll run some errands.  Tasks to do, for sure, but for the first time in a long time tomorrow doesn't feel like a list of obligations that have to get done.  Today, tomorrow feels like something to look forward to. Today, I feel very privileged to live for tomorrow.

Day 31.  TFR.  SYT.