The Opinion in My Headache

Scientist aren't actually sure what sleep is for.  They theorize and they speculate, but nobody knows for certain.  Their best guess is that in our unconscious states our bodies recuperate, bouncing back from the stresses of the day, healing and growing all through the night.  It's not a bad theory; in fact, it's kind of comforting.  Maybe biology has programmed good judgment right into the very fabric of our DNA where we are forced by nature to take the time to heal, six to eight hours of every day, one-quarter to one-third of every single life.

I love that time; I look forward to sleep.  Exhausted from the day I fall into my bed, wrap myself in sheets, and give in to the sweet sensation of eyelids over eyeballs, thirsty for healing.  I think it would be lovely if people were awake while they slept.  Healing seems like one of those things it'd be nice to be conscious for.  It seems kind of cruel and unfair that people have to be awake for all the damage and passed out for all the repair.  With a one-sided view like that, it's easy to see why so many people get so jaded.

I've been sad for such a long time that my sadness makes me angry.  These gloomy phases far out-number the sunny ones and all that makes me even sadder in its recollection.  It makes me forget my own luck.

I think about all the things I should be counting my blessings for in retrospect, good people, good weather, good education, the fact that I'm still breathing and have never gone hungry, and it makes me wonder how I could ever be so miserable.  There's so much to be grateful for but I forget some days.  My brain works too slowly and my mouth too quickly.  I fail to properly process and understand so I end up frustrated and confused.  Something small won't go the way I thought it should have gone and all of the sudden synapses fire simultaneously, hormone levels jump-rope in my veins, and gratitude falls to pieces like I'm no longer fortunate and the world is worthy of my wrath.  There's a reason the sages advocate "sleeping on it" before acting out of rage or revenge.  Anger does very little in the realm of healing, tending only to make wounds worse.

I'm sorry if I've done any shit-talking or judging in this blog.  There's no excuse for it.  The goal should be to understand, not gripe.  There's some stuff I could take issue with right now but I don't think I'll bother.  I'd rather close my eyes and wake-up feeling refreshed tomorrow, burdens buried in pillowcases, mysteriously rejuvenated by the night.

There's no need to have an opinion right now.

Day 32.  TFR. SYT.