The Very First Thing To Do

It's a well known fact that exercise raises endorphins in your body.  Endorphins are chemicals that make you smile.  You know what else raises endorphins in your body?  Smiling.  These are the makings of the world's first and only self-sufficient energy system.

There's a scene in American Beauty where the protagonist, Lester Burnham, works out in his garage.  It's a beautiful day, in a beautiful country, in a beautiful world, in a stereotypical life that only weeks before had been absolutely miserable.  And yet, there in that garage, blasting music, smoking a joint, pushing through bench presses and smiling.  It's the briefest of images, barely a five second glimpse, but every time I watch this scene I think to myself, Fuck yeah, Mr. Burnham.  You've got it.  You've found what it's all about.

Let me begin by promising I am well aware that there are people whose daily decisions and circumstances are more difficult than I could ever possibly imagine.  I live a charmed life in comparison to a lot of the world and am entirely grateful for all of my blessings.  However, I feel fairly confident that life is exhausting in it's own unique way for each and every solitary person who is fortunate enough to breath (even I, a 23-year old who doesn't have to pay rent for the next few months).  Across the board, sleep-deprevation meets low blood sugar meets the interminable march of time and people (understandably) end up feeling so tired they can't fathom having the energy to smile.  Unfortunately, nine times out of ten, using cold hard reality as an excuse for misery only makes things exponentially worse.  It is also a cold hard reality that in times when we feel the most utterly exhausted, smiling is at its most important.

I won't dain to say the crime is laziness, but the ability to accept defeat is never productive and it's not a quality I particularly admire.  We get complacent, we get bitter, we fall into ruts that can go on for months, for years, forever; this is why they call sloth deadly.  Smiling becomes something we used to do when we were young and naive.  We say our bodies are too old now as if they're broken and a grin would require more than we have to spare.  It's easier to sink, it's easier to settle, it's easier to waste time and waste away in disappointment and regret, but this is living suicide.  It sucks, but it doesn't let you off the hook.

Smiling is really hard work.  It takes an incredible act of will power to force positivity when you're at your lowest.   The only up-side in situations like these is that the harder work, the more you'll have to smile about when the work is done.  It's a shitty 'up-side,' but soon enough you might even have some fun and it won't feel like work at all.

Day 18.  Feeling better every day.

Thanks for reading.  See you tomorrow.