Standing in the new basement today was like smoking a cigarette on the toilet; that shit just felt unnaturally relaxing. Not only did Mary and I function comfortably down there today without bumping elbows even once, but there was also enough room for us to be joined by my two nephews, Cole and Miles. Sure they're 9 and 11 years old respectively and combined they probably take up the less space than one regular-sized person, but still, that's four people functioning in a space that yesterday could barely accommodate one. Mary gabbed about articles she'd clipped out from Women's Health while Cole and Miles climbed over equipment with little workouts of their very own. I looked around at all the smiling faces reaping the benefits from my yesterday, three-hour labor of love and thought to myself, Great, now I'm running a fucking day care.
I love my nephews as if they were my own children, as I should because I helped raise them. I, Mary's youngest sibling/perpetual babysitter, cleaned them, dressed them, fed them, burped them, scolded them, consoled them, putting them to bed and wiping their asses since I was twelve years old. Make no mistake, my love is for these children runs as deep as oceans through my veins and into my bones but dear God can they annoy the shit out of me. Sometimes they play a game where their only goal is to piss me off and it amuses those little bastards to no end.
Cole literally just shot me in the face with a Nerf gun, while I'm clearly busy writing this blog.
Seriously, Cole? Seriously.
Like mosquitos by a pond at dusk, I killed their questions by slapping myself in the face (one down, one billion to go). What are you doing? Wall-sit. Can I do it too? Sure, why not. Can you make the bench for sit-ups? Sort of in the middle of something here, bud. Can I play with that? No. What about that? It'll stunt your growth. What's this? Put that down. I wanna use the sit-up bench. I'm using that right now. You're actually staring at me as I'm using it. Are you almost done? Shut up. I'm hungry. I don't care. Your face look stupid. I am tuning you out as we speak. Look how fast I'm going! Slow the fucking treadmill down or you're gonna trip, smash open your face, fly of the back in a bloody heap and I am not stopping this workout to take you to the emergency room!
For the first ten minutes or so it seemed like this was destined to be a thoroughly unsatisfying experience and, had I resigned myself to that, it most certainly would've been. However, as a positive attitude usually does everyone a greater service than a negative one, I decided to make this (drumroll please) an educational experience.
Aaaaand shooting star.
I fielded their questions, showed them safe and appropriate exercises, listened to their pre-pubescent problems about homework and bullies and did it all through Classic Rock. After all, who better than Pink Floyd to educate Miles about his disagreement with a teacher? (I took Miles by the shoulders, locked eyes with him and said, "The next time that bitch Mrs. So-and-so decides to go on a power trip, you look her square in her stupid-ass, tyrannical face and you tell her, "Hey! Teacher! All and all you're just another brick in the wall.") I had more fun than I thought I would (though not so much that I want to do this everyday) and in the end (class, show of hands, how many people saw this coming?) they taught me something, too.
Clearly getting through the experience gave scope to how small my grievances really were. When faced with innocent annoyances it's usually best to shut the fuck up and not let it ruin your good time. But besides patience and fun, Cole and Miles also highlighted something a little less expected: my secret inner desire to know something worth teaching.
I am not so full of myself to presume I know anything more than anyone else, but I still live my life with the blind hope that every passing experience will leave me one experience wiser. I don't think I have any definitive 'answers' to life's little mysteries, nor do I think that I will find any by this blog's conclusion. Answers are fickle and imaginary things that expire in second and shift with the breeze. The best I can hope for is a little grace and gratitude being exactly where I am.
I was wasting a little too much time on complaining today, so props to the little guys for helping me out with that.
Happy Day 4 everyone.
Thanks for reading. See you tomorrow.
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