The Need

Today's workout was enjoyable enough that I may have accidentally caught the elusive unicorn of 'fun.'  That being said, why is it now that blogging feels like a leather-clad act of masochism without even the courtesy of some twisted, erotic jollies?  I'm actually asking here.  Why, on a shitty day, does the reflection flow so beautifully and with so much purpose, while on an awesome day I wanna gouge out my own eyeballs with a dirty spork?  Also, how come the term "dirty spork" makes me feel like a utensil racist?

Well, seeing as this is my third post on an obscure blog, I have no followers to date, and this all sort of feels like intellectual masturbation anyway, allow me to venture a guess.

The word, ladies and gentlemen, is need.  Why does anyone start anything if not for a raw, unadulterated, snot-covered, tear-strewn, don't-look-at-me, please-help-me, I-love-you, I-hate-you ball of need lodged tightly in his or her throat.  In my first post I called this blog 'an act of desperation.'  That wasn't a joke.  Sadly, that was a self-heimliech.  That was me choking on need.

In situations like these where you find yourself feeling lost, inadequate or just regular unhappy, the need for reflection becomes a matter of survival.  It requires a brutal, honest, and fair assessment of the thoughts, emotions, and actions that both put you in and will free you from your aforementioned misery.  If your mind were an ocean (and it is), treading water is no more useful than drowning.  We must reflect, we must understand and then we must swim for shore.  Failure to do so is fatal.

Today was a really good day.  In the gym I felt my feet on the ground, I dug deep and I smiled.  I smiled a lot today as I should.  Today, I have a little more control over my life than I did the day before and today (thank God) the reflection feels a little less necessary.  The need is shrinking and I can finally somewhat breathe again.

Unfortunately, this blog now runs the risk of becoming an unpleasant chore, as pain-in-the-ass as ironing.  It sucks/is awesome that this happened to me so quickly, but it probably won't last forever and for the duration of this project it is a chore that must be done.  After all, I rather enjoyed Day 2.

So, thanks for reading, and I'll see you tomorrow.